Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Excuse me, large SUV: I'm trying to run with my dog. It's really hard to keep my optimum heart rate up with you trying to use these paved roads...


I have a news flash: All dogs hate running. They also hate getting dressed up in clothing. This is because they already have clothing, also known as fur. But they REALLY hate running. I'm pretty sure they only tolerate walking because it is paired with the act of excreting bodily fluids (which, in contrast, dogs LOVE). But place yourself in the dog's position for a second...

"Fucking A this is awesome! I had to go so bad! Can't wait to go to that old patch of grass and mark my territory... hey, dude, that shit is the other way. Wait, why does he have those ugly shoes on? Why are his pants so fucking short? Shit man, why the fuck are you running!?!!?"

Show Man's Best Friend an ounce of respect and leave them home while you jog. And better yet, if you have to take the dog with you, could you use the fucking sidewalk? It makes it difficult to drive my car with you and your four-legged-friend taking up the entire lane. If there was a way I could save the dog and just run you over, I would. However, there are all these laws and shit against it, so just use a fucking treadmill or something.

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